Assorted Book Reviews

Christy by Catherine Marshall

UGH! This was required reading for Holly's Notgrass American history. The inclusion of this book speaks for itself--Notgrass is wildly inconsistent in its quality of literature readings. Some books have been good, typical, expected: To Kill a Mockingbird; Uncle Tom's Cabin; The Scarlet Letter. Then there are books like Christy.

I don't know why I decided to read along, but I'm glad I did. I loathed this book, the main characters lacked any appeal, and I found the whole book ridiculous. Holly compared it to Little Women (which tops her list of worst-ever books). I know it's supposed to be based on the life of the author's mother, and that bugged me too: What part was real, what part was fake? Whatever the case, it was all phony.

I think very highly of Notgrass's history--the actual "history" part of it. I'm glad Holly's going back to Lightning Lit next year for literature.

Vent over!

As I'm adding in the amazon link, I'm amused at the incredibly high ratings this book received. Obviously I've missed something, but whatever. !

Already Gone: Why Your Kids Will Quit Church and What You Can Do to Stop It by Ken Ham and Britt Beamer

A local friend highly recommended this book. Wow. It made me rethink several things in my family's life right now. It helped open my eyes and heart, and encouraged me to make a drastic change.

You only have one chance with your kids.

I'd love to loan this book out. Send me a private email or leave a comment.

Murder by Family: The Incredible True Story of a Son's Treachery and a Father's Forgiveness by Kent Whitaker

Kent Whitaker's 19 year old son Bart arranged to have the family murdered; Kent's wife and younger son were both killed. This is the story of Kent's journey and forgiveness between the time of the murders and the trial and subsequent death penalty given to Bart for his responsibility in the killings. Interesting read.

Blog Tour and Book Giveaway

I did not have a chance to read this book prior to the blog tour; I've had it for a few weeks, but life has pretty much gotten in the way of everything else around here! However, Holly's read at least one chapter and said, "It's fine." I took that to be reasonably encouraging. I like Melody Carlson in general, and the book looks good.

I'm hosting a book giveaway here for one copy. Leave your name and contact info if necessary, and I'll do a drawing over the weekend.

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Book: Dear Mom by Melody Carlson

Summary: Every mom knows how communicating with a teenage girl can be difficult, even impossible at times. One-word answers. Defensive conversations. Daily arguments. How typical for teens to put up such barriers. All the while, moms truly long to know what their daughters really think.

Best-selling author Melody Carlson, whose books for women, teens, and children have sold more than three million copies, bridges this chasm with trusted insight. She speaks frankly in the voice of the teen daughters she’s written for and she tells it like it is: struggles with identity, guys, friendship, and even parents—it’s all here. The straight-talk to moms covers such things as “I need you, but you can’t make me admit it,” “I’m not as confident as I appear,” and “I have friends. I need a mother.”

Instead of focusing on outward behaviors, Dear Mom looks at a young woman’s heart and reveals to moms:

• how to talk to teen so they hear,
• how to connect despite the differences of perspective of years and experiences,
• and how to strengthen the bond every mom and daughter ultimately wants.
  

The lively chapters in Dear Mom can be dipped into topically or used as a read-through tool by moms and daughters alike to understand what motivates or deflates, troubles or inspires—and just in time for Mother’s Day and all the Mother’s Days ahead.

Author Bio: Melody Carlson is the award-winning author of more than one hundred books for adults, children, and teens, with sales totaling more than three million copies. Beloved for her Diary of a Teenage Girl and Notes from a Spinning Planet series, she’s also the author of the women’s novels Finding Alice (in production now for a Lifetime-TV movie), Crystal Lies, On This Day, These Boots Weren’t Made for Walking, and A Mile in My Flip-Flops. A mother of two grown sons, Melody lives in central Oregon with her husband and chocolate lab retriever. She’s a full-time writer and an avid gardener, biker, skier, and hiker.

Book Review - "Mom, I Hate My Life!": Becoming Your Daughter's Ally Through the Emotional Ups and Downs of Adolescence by Sharon Hersh

Quick review #2:

I stumbled upon this book, never expecting to find such a gem. Author Sharon Hersh is a licensed professional counselor--and she still has something good to say. (Okay, that was a joke.) I am grateful for the relationship I have with my daughter, and I yearn to maintain it, to strengthen it. Written from a Christian perspective, this book offers terrific advice and encouragement to be your daughter's ally through the teen years.

***Definitely recommended.***

Book Review -- Have a New Kid by Friday: How to Change Your Child's Attitude, Behavior & Character in 5 Days by Dr. Kevin Leman

I love Kevin Leman. I love Kevin Leman. And I love Kevin Leman. He's encouraging, entertaining, and knowledgeable on his topics. I've enjoyed his books in the past, and this is no exception.

You can Have a New Kid by Friday in less than 90 pages. I'm sure of it. I don't really need any "new" kids, but sometimes the attitude around here is lacking--MY attitude, which too often backslides and wants to take the easy way out. This isn't a parenting book for beginners, or for parents whose kids are totally out of control. In fact, there's nothing new in it, just a game plan for getting back on track with what's worked in the past. It's a condensed version of Dr. Leman's advice on expectations, consistency, and "reality discipline."

This is a short little book, laying out Dr. Leman's recommendations in 89 pages. The rest of the book is a Q&A for a variety of parent/child scerarios from potty training and temper tantrums to peers and tattoos. The main part, the important part of the book was short enough that I think I can even get Rob to read it. And I'll read it again too.

I enjoyed reading this book, and it's highly recommended.

Book Review -- Last Child in the Woods: Saving Our Children from Nature-Deficit Disorder by Richard Louv

This book was recommended reading in Leonard Sax's Boys Adrift, which I reviewed last year. I've checked it out several times over the past year. It's a great book, causing me to pause and think about how much time my kid (because it makes me think of Trevor more than Holly) spends plugged in. In fact, it's hit me a little too close to home, and although I raced through the first 2/3 of the book, I've stalled on the last 1/3. But the fault doesn't lie within the book.

Basically: our kids are the first generation to have so little contact with the outdoors.

In addition to a LOT of thought-provoking reading, I appreciate that the author shares dozens of different ways to plug your kids (MY kids) into nature. I really need to stop being so lazy, to do more than just read about the advantages. And I need to re-read this book again and again. I need all the encouragement I can get.

Definitely recommended.

Quick Book Review #1 -- Revolutionary Parenting: Want to Raise a Spiritual Champion? by George Barna

George Barna is well known for his survey research analysis, and I'm always a sucker for a parenting book. As Barna says, a one-size-fits-all parenting manual doesn't exist. He doesn't give his own opinions on parenting but shares information garnered through his various research to find common threads in families that have already raised spiritual champions.

This book was a nice and short read, not written in "survey format" but sometimes clinical. I enjoyed it and was even more motivated to improve on one particular area in which I already thought we were lacking.

There are also both a parenting workbook and a leader's guide available. I would definitely be interesting in studying this as a group. (No, I don't want to take that on, but it might work online too.) Recommended.

Book Review - Raising Respectful Children in a Disrespectful World by Jill Rigby

This was an easy read with little meat. Parents who choose to read this book already know the message: BE the kind of person that you want your children to become.

Not recommended.

Home Court Advantage: Preparing Your Children to Be Winners in Life by Dr. Kevin Leman

Who doesn't like Kevin Leman? I really wanted to read his newest book, but this was the one my library had. That's not really such a big deal. I've read several of his parenting and relational books; I'm happy to read any that are "new" to me. By now, I feel like I know Kevin and Sande and their children, and I enjoy Dr. Leman's folksy, friendly writing style.

Families are a recurrent theme in his books. Home Court encourages us to drop the gamut of outside activities and turn our hearts toward home--where life's lessons are really learned. At my house, the extracurricular schedule is not overwhelming. However, I've been convicted recently about how I'm using my free time. Reading this gave me an additional nudge that I probably needed.

I highly recommend any of Dr. Leman's books, this one included. I'm hoping to get my hands on his newest one soon, and if I get the chance, I'll reread the ones I already have.

Book Review - Making Brothers and Sisters Best Friends by Sarah, Stephen and Grace Mally

I've had this book around for quite a while. It's failed to grab me. I've started it a few times only to put it down after a few pages, forget about it completely, and start again several months later. As I finally began to make my way through it this time, it struck me that my kids DO get along so well. They are not always perfect to each other--who is?--but they are kind and loving. They willingly spend a lot of time together and are very good friends, often preferring each other to my company, hmph. It also struck me, Why am I reading this book? I must have bought it when they were bickering.

Co-authors and siblings Sarah (22), Stephen (16), and Grace (12) Mally recommend reading their book aloud to your family. I don't know about anyone else, but I would have found this tedious. I can only imagine what horrible tortures my children would have inflicted upon me if I'd forced it on them.

Written from a Christian perspective, the book is divided into several different chapters, explaining why and how siblings should be friends. Each child takes a turn writing a portion of each chapter. The book finishes with suggestions on how to further develop and encourage your relationship with your sibling.

Why did this book not bowl me over? It was nice enough. I quickly found one of the children more entertaining and engaging than the others. The writing throughout was terribly juvenile, although I don't believe the book was intended for children only. I seemed to only focus on the repeated sentences that all seemed to begin with "One time," "On some days," "Once," "I remember." And true to form, the little things bug me: Why didn't the parents or proofreader catch several misuses of the word "purpose" when it should have been "propose"?

And then I feel guilty all over again. I want to like it. The amazon reviews are favorable. Am I the one missing something?

There are a lot of Christian books out there that teach how to get along, and this was not remarkable. I wouldn't recommend it, unless you can find it through your library or otherwise free of charge.

Book Review - Boys Adrift by Leonard Sax, M.D., Ph.D.

Recommended and lent to me by another mom in chess club, this is one of the most eye opening books I've ever read.

Why are boys of today more apathetic and disengaged than ever before? This is epidemic in our country, reaching over social and racial lines.

I was hooked within the first few paragraphs.

The author presents five reasons:

–Education theory/practice: academics are presented earlier, before children (more so boys) are ready; the lack of hands on curriculum; non-competitive school environment
--Video games
–Medications: overprescribing medications for ADD/ADHD, depression, and outbursts
–Environmental factors: widespred artificial female hormones, including plastic bottles
–Lack of proper role models

Each chapter expands on the different reasons and effects. The last chapter is devoted to "detoxing" boys, providing strategies to employ to help boys gain back motivation and enthusiasm for life.

I admit, I was doubtful when I first heard about this book. I mumbled (to myself of course) something about overblown hysteria. I don't think that anymore. The author is well regarded and his points were not hysterical but well thought out, with plenty of documentation.

Wow. Wow. I highly, highly recommend this book. Consider this: "[T]he average young man today has a sperm count less than half what his grandfather had at the same age." Track down a copy to read for yourself. I am returning the book to my friend tonight, but I want my own too. For more info, see the website here.

Book Review - Parent Effectiveness Training by Dr. Thomas Gordon

What possesses me to continue reading parenting books? What magic advice do I hope to find?
Whatever it might be, it won't be found in this book. PET promises:

Using the timeless methods of PET will have immediate results . . . you'll find PET a compassionate, effective way to instill responsibility and create a nurturing environment in which your child will thrive.

Note: The author is a recipient of the 2000 Lifetime Achievement Award from the California State Psychological Association. He's a Nobel Peace Prize nominee.

What should have been my first clue that this book was not for me?????????

The book tells us that parents' attitudes and methods leave much to be desired. Parents fall into two categories: too strict, and too lenient. But wait! There's another option! Give up your power struggle. When you have a conflict with your child (whether they are 3 or 30), it can be resolved by allowing the child to brainstorm several solutions. From there, parent and child work out a solution acceptable to both. Parents are not to show a united front during problem solving. One parent typically doesn't agree anyway and both should enter into problem solving as "free agents."

Simplify the job of "training parents"! Everybody wins! Parents and children "possess equal or relatively equal power"! After all, you wouldn't treat your friends this way. And who wants their kids mad at them? Parents are strongly advised to not pressure "kids to live by certain rules," and parents must accept what they cannot change. Parents can prevent conflicts by "modifying themselves." Schools would do well to adopt this attitude too, as "students are blatantly denied civil rights" and "due process of law" in the classroom.

The author even claims that PET develops reasoning skills in children so superior that he "would not be surprised if future research determines that children in (these homes) develop mental capacities superior to children in (homes not using the method)."

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To be fair, the book had some good ideas on how to be a better listener, how to actively listen to what your kids are trying to tell you, and to not be defensive as a parent and how to respond in a way that is less likely to put children on the defensive. It teaches you how to easily recognize that some problems are owned by the children, and must be handled by the children. Some problems are owned by the parent, which require the parent to handle. Since reading the book last week, I have found both of these points to be helpful, and I've noticed my kids responding more positively too.

But overall, this was an awful premise, one more encouragement for parents to pass on their responsibility to someone else--in this case, their children. I am saddened to think of the kids who are raised in this way. It's a great book to solve conflicts for roommates--but that's not the relationship I want to have with my kids. And it shouldn't be the relationship they want to have with me either.

Book Review - The Young Peacemaker by Corlette Sande

Thanks again to my wonderful library, I was able to borrow this book as I consider using it with my kids. I first read about it on Kathy's blog, and then other loopy friends recommended it highly. I also read Corlette's husband's book, Peacemaking for Families.

I like this book, I am so tempted to buy it. There are additional student materials that go along with the book. I'm not sure what Holly and Trevor would think of it; they could go either way.

I am a curriculum junkie. So many things look good. So many things are good. I don't know yet what I'll decide, but I know it will be easier for me to say no once this book gets returned to the library. Meanwhile, I have my very favorite parenting book of all, Scott Turansky's Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes . . . In You and Your Kids, and I think I'll read through this again first before making up my mind.

Kathy, your posts are so often both thoughtful and thought provoking. I thank you for sharing so much of yourself through your blog and for being one of my loopy friends. :)

This book is definitely recommended.

Book Review - Peacemaking for Families

Kathy had a great post on her blog about Peacemaking class her children had attended and the great effects that were showing up at home. When Kathy writes something like this, I sit up and listen. After browsing the Peacemaker Ministries website, I requested this book through an interlibrary loan.

I read too many parenting books, but that's because it's an area in which I know I have a lot of room to improve. My favorite book remains Scott Turansky's Say Goodbye to Whining and Complaining, but I'm always looking for more practical ways to apply its teachings.

Peacemaking for Families is written by Ken Sande, whose wife Corlette authored the children's version (which was used for Kathy's kids). The book begins with a focus on resolving marital issues, a little surprising to me as that's not what I was expecting. However, it laid the perfect foundation for the next section, titled "Family Conflict" and dealing with children. I liked the consistent, specific steps that the book gives to teach children how to resolve conflict. Over the past several years, I realize how important it is to get to "heart" issues--it's not enough for someone to change their behavior just because they "should." I want my children (and me!) to change behavior because we WANT to, we know it's not right, not what we are taught Biblically, not the heart that God wants us to have.

Only a portion of this book dealt with children and families as a whole. I want to read more, and I just made an interlibrary loan request for Corlette's book, The Young Peacemaker. There's a curriculum available, which includes this Young Peacemaker book, and an activity book. I'm definitely interested, so I'll be able to see if I want to give that a try.

Thanks, Kathy, for your comments about this book, which I highly recommend!

Book Review - Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp

I've read this book before and liked it, enough to remember to check it out again. I like reading parenting books in general, and this is a good one. I didn't finish it and wasn't able to renew it this time around, and I almost bought a copy for myself. But then I remembered. I am a parenting book junkie. There are several good ideas, but it's difficult to apply more than one or two different parenting theories, even if they are similarly themed.

My favorite parenting book is Scott Turansky's Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes . . . In You and Your Kids, followed closely by Kevin Leman's Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours. The Turansky book focuses on teaching children honor, which can be applied across the board in everything you do. Dr. Leman's book teaches "reality discipline," which dovetails nicely with encouraging honor. (Dr. Leman has a many terrific books, and in addition to being knowledgeable and intelligent, he's entertaining to read.)

I'm in no way dismissing the Tripp book. All three emphasize changing "heart" behavior, which I believe it vital--there's really no point in making a child behave just because they should. I want my kids to WANT to be good, to WANT to treat others honorably.

But I need to stick to my tried and true favorites at this point. It's a long and never-ending process, and I've learned a lot, a lot, a lot too.

Book Review - Raising a Nonviolent Child by John Rosemond

It dawned on me that this might seem like an odd book selection. Kids, boys particularly, and my boy, can so easily be attracted to video games and so many of the games lean toward violence (or just flat out are). Sure, kids, boys, have typically leaned toward "violent" games in general for a long time, with no seemingly ill effects. Remember the games boys played when we were kids? "We turned out okay," right? But life is different now, media is different now, exposure is different now, and like it or not, our culture is different now. You can't compare the cops and robbers and war games played back then to what kids play now.

I don't know where I found this book, Raising a Nonviolent Child, but I need to keep better tabs on where I'm getting my recommendations. Of course, there's also the possibility that I just ran across the title somewhere. It instantly rubs me the wrong way when books like this focus on Columbine. It's no different, in my mind, to adding in Charles Manson. It doesn't belong in a book like this, it's a key phrase designed to freak parents out. Statistically what are the chances that violence in children would come to this end. (Not even worth following that sentence with a question mark.)

The book jacket credits the author, John Rosemond, with "seven best-selling books on parenting." I don't doubt this, but I've never heard of him. He writes from a Christian perspective, yet he's not popular in my circle of friends (or I would have heard of him!). This book didn't grab me at all, nothing got my attention, and by the third chapter I was just turning pages looking for something redeeming. There's a nice chapter at the end of the book, "Don't Allow These Fifteen Behaviors, Period!" but it's not enough to recommend this book to others.

I've read a lot of parenting books, and once you weed past the fads (1-2-3 Magic, for example, is for some reason very popular but just bad), there are a handful that are outstanding, worthy of recommendation. My all time favorite remains Scott Turansky's Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining and Bad Attitudes . . . in You and Your Kids. It's hard work, and we keep trying to get it right. It's worth it.